What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 07:11
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He knew the spot.
So, i spoilt her more .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I don,t even have a pension.
What’s the craziest thing you’ve heard pretending to be asleep?
I was 9 years of age.
Im still living with it.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She found it foreign!.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Especially a lifetime of it.
I was scared of men, in general
How do I overcome attachment issues?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
How does Arab culture and values differ from western culture and values?
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She married twice! .
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Would Donald Trump's reelection make the world more dangerous?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But, we were locked up after school.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I waited trembling.
What do you like about McDonald's?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Would this be the day?
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I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Where's the Civil War everyone on the left said would happen?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
How do we write and pronounce "it's my pleasure" in Italian?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I said to her
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
As i do to all so called friends.?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I couldn’t, believe it.
And i lived it daily.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
One cannot live in the past .
She wouldn,t have been !
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I was very sick at this time too.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
(And it was in our own minds.)
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
This is soul school!.
I think the readers, may guess!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But it wasn’t much.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
It was going to be , some day.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I write beautiful poetry .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
When she asked me how she looked .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
We all went to grammer schools
They are buried together, in the same grave..
We were not on the streets..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But ive been too sick for many years..
I have no regrets .
She loved him until the end.
All the time i was locked up.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Who then, do I blame.?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
So whats the point in blame.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I was seconnd youngest,
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
She was in good health!
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
What did i know ?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Ive learnt so much.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I could never make a relationship work though!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My family never makes their pension either.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Was to survive, this bastard.
My life is so biszare .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Put me off passion for life!!
I will be 64.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Comes on , in middle age.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Why did i forgive my father ?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..